Scared and Afraid

It scares me to be alone,
And, I'm terrified of the unknown.
Walking down a path to who knows where?
Running away from all my fears, I'm scared.
I'm scared of not succeeding,
Of falling and failing.
I'm scared of the monsters that lie underneath my bed,
And, I run from the thoughts that swim in my head.
When I'm alone they consume me.
All the negative words and all the horrible memories,
The people that have left me and those I have discarded like old love letters shoved in a drawer,
Centuries forgotten.
There's nothing I want more than to be OK,
I don't have to be wonderful or fantastic.
I don't need to feel amazing every day.
But, I need to wake up and know it's alright.
There are questions that plague me and I fear I'll never know the answers.
It tortures me not knowing,
Not knowing why I wasn't good enough for her,
Why wasn't her daughter reason enough to stay?
I'll never know that.
I'll never know who my mother was.
I'll never know who my father was.
It makes me feel like I'll never know who I am...
These are the thoughts that take over when I'm alone,
These are the questions that remain unknown.
I'm afraid of facing them,
Afraid of finding out how truly weak I am.