Reach

There's a dark room and I'm sitting there,
Thinking about the stars,
Counting the hours until I reach the moon,
I am content.
I am terrified.
I am worried.
I am smiling.
I am alone.
You've known me for far too long,
Like the lyrics of your favorite song, I'll stay in your head.
I'll resonate, I'll keep
But, you can't hold me, you can't touch me, you can't know me any more.
Because I don't know me.

Wonderful

I drink a Redbull.
I think about you.
I think about if what I'm feeling can be true.
Outside looking in it seems quick, it seems sudden,
But, to myself it's been a long time coming.
Yearning for attention and affection for too long, falling as I have, feeling as I do, is that so wrong?
There's a comfort with you.
An easiness I feel.
I wanted you right off the back, was curious to know how your touch would be.
Little did I know it wouldn't be the touch of your hand that would make me swoon.
It's the looks you give me,
The times you call me beautiful,
The way we share the same thoughts,
And, how you're so light in life.
You make me happy.
You make me hopeful.
I am strong because I know I can feel the way I do.
But, it's scary, it's too soon,
Yet, I think you know what I mean when I say "I am enamored by you".
How could I not be?
With everything you are, you are wonderful!
I know it's too soon, I know I'm not ready.
But, how can I deny what my heart is yelling?
I write this not to scare you, or to turn you away,
I write this because out loud there are no words I know how to say.
I want to pull you close, hold you tight,
because you make me so damn happy and being happy is worth every kind of fight.

There's something about you

I sit on the floor looking at the screen,

thinking,

wondering,

dreaming.

What is it that I'm trying to say?

What is it that I'm trying to do?

Think of all the synonyms for "I love you".

Enamored.

Enchanted.

Bewitched.

Head over heels.

Heels over head.

They're all the same for this feeling that came,

Came up so suddenly, I found myself feeling so quickly.

Your eyes, your hands, your smile.

Soft lips, gentle touch, kind looks.

Boy, oh boy, what am I getting myself in to?

Boy, oh boy, what do you know?

Just breath.

In.

Out. 

Close my eyes.

Teeth chattering.

There's just something about you that does something for me.

It's been awhile

This is a poem  I wrote months ago and just now found again. I like re-reading what I've forgotten I've written.


So many thoughts.
So many words.
Put it on paper, scribble it out.
My fists bleed from when I hit the wall.
I don't mind.
Confusion frustrates me. He frustrates me.
I scream.
I can only remember forever or forget for good.
It's always one or the other.
There’s no middle.
And all I want is a smile.
So let’s walk for a while.
I’ll tell you a story about how the roses were red and the violets were blue and how each of us said “I love you”.
But, it didn’t last.
He moved on.
I just moved.
The days are slow, the nights are tempting.
My words flow freer at 2am.
Don’t you think it’s beautiful?
I do.

The Blinking Lights

I want to write something. I really do. I've just begun this crazy thing and already I feel as if I'm lying to myself when I don't write a post everyday. And, now I've gone 6 days without typing a single word to you (I imagine a lot of people do read this already). It really is like a public diary; it's so comforting. An awkward idea, I know, but it works for me. I feel you call my bluff and demand better of me. You force my thoughts out. You agonizingly push me forward to reaching my goal. Already, I thank you. One day I hope to have hundreds of followers, but it's not the number of followers that I first was afraid of. It's not about whether or not anyone will read this. My fear comes from the thought of actually working on myself. Of actually doing this and sticking to it.

I am afraid of the Unknown. I yearn for Stability, yet have a tangled romance when it comes to Change. I have an itch to do something different drastically every couple of years. Comes with the territory of being an Army Brat: You always move. So, now that this itch has arrived again I have been thinking about relocating. But, now it's completely different. I don't HAVE to move -living on my own has given me an option finally. And, it's not such an easy option, either. I get slightly terrified at thinking of moving away from what I am familiar with towards something I have no idea about. A secret exciteness runs through me at the same time.



^^This was a draft from when I first started my blog. It's unfinished yet I feel as if it holds as much truth now as it did back then. Just for the heck of it, here it is, in all of it's unfinish-ness.